Birth Without Shame

A soon to be mother that I know asked for advice from her mommy friends on labor and delivery. There were many great replies to her questions and I'm glad she asked! It's great to hear from many different mom's on this subject. You could see the outpouring of support for her through the various comments.

What concerns me however, are the people who are often well meaning but end up shaming mothers and mothers-to-be about the birth process. I didn't want this mamma-to-be to feel any of that pressure and I surely do not want her to feel any of the shame, sadness, or disappointment that I felt after my son’s birth.

I feel like I have to explain away my birth story and I am really frustrated and saddened by this.

One of my sister-in-laws has had an epidural with her last three babies. There is no shame in that! My sister prefers natural birth and that is the way her last child was born. There is no shame in that either; in fact, there is no shame in whatever way your baby comes into this world. Things often don't go as planned regarding pregnancy, birth, and raising children. As mothers, I feel that we need to be prepared for this.

I was set on having a natural birth and my physician was very supportive of this. He expressed that as long as I was in good health I wouldn't even need an IV. I was nervous, but excited to try for a natural birthing experience. When the birth of my son didn't go the way I had planned I felt a bit defeated. No one should feel that way!

My son came at 37 weeks and 3 days via an induced vaginal birth. The physicians made the decision to induce because I had preeclampsia. I believe I had been suffering from it for awhile, but the doctors didn't catch it right away. I think they didn't notice it for many reasons, but mostly because my blood pressure is normally perfect to slightly low and during the majority of the pregnancy my blood pressure was very low. So when my blood pressure started to come up it didn't seem like a bad thing at first, as it was still within normal range. Another reason I feel contributed to a later diagnosis was that I had gained so little weight in the first two trimesters that when I started to gain weight it was a welcome change. 

For a few months my feet were so swollen that they only fit into one pair of shoes and even those left marks on my feet. They were huge! My feet were not the only parts of me that were swelling to an unusual size. My face and hands were also swelling. I started to have a horrible headache that never went away no matter what I did. And to top it off I was constantly nauseous. I chalked this all up to normal pregnancy discomforts and left it at that. It wasn't until I had gained 11 lbs in one week that they took any notice. 

 

After a doctors visit and a few trips to the hospital they determined that I was going to have to stay and that the safest course of action was to induce my labor. They wanted to avoid an emergency c-section.

I had two days of "natural" contractions that were brought on by the medication they gave me to soften my cervix. I was stuck in a hospital bed, tethered to an IV and was only allowed to get up to use the bathroom.

On day three they started the pitocin. I had pitocin induced contractions for 15 1/2 hours before I became systolic. I was given an epidural to bring my blood pressure down. At this point I still wasn't dilating past a 3. I felt like I was going nowhere and getting there fast. It was so frustrating! 

This snails pace didn't last very long after getting the epidural. It was only an hour and a half before it wore off and by that time I was ready to push. I only pushed a few times and my son made his entrance. After several days with no sleep and near constant contractions we had survived! I was tired, but oh so happy to have an alert and healthy little one in my arms.

It wasn't until we had rested up a bit and people started asking questions and wanting to know about my birth experience that the unease settled in. It felt as though I had to justify everything about the birth to people. I felt judged and I began to feel defeated. As though the marathon I had gone through was somehow inferior because I had been induced, I had gotten an epidural, and I didn't have a truly natural birth.

Everyone's experience is going to be different. Everyone's body and baby are different. No one should try to force you or shame you into giving birth in a particular way or shame you for the experience that you did have. Have a plan, but be open to change as well. You know your body and baby better then anyone else. Your birthing experience is your own and whether it is natural or induced, by c-section or with an epidural, it is a special experience and an incredible accomplishment.