Leaving

I have a part time job working two nights a week at a hotel near our home. It's a wonderful place to work and they treat me incredibly well. However, leaving my son those two nights a week is getting more and more difficult the older he gets.

I kiss those squishy cheeks goodbye over and over and I hesitate as I open the door.

A lot of families make sacrifices so they can have a stay at home parent. I wonder if those who are in that situation understand that it is a sacrifice for working moms as well. It's heart breaking and difficult for me to leave my little one and go to work. However, in our current situation working outside of the home is necessary.

I work nights for exactly this reason. I work overnight so that I can be home with my son during the day. Not only because the cost of child care is out of reach but because I want to be home with my son. I want to be the one caring for him.

This schedule is physically, mentally, and emotionally taxing at times. I often go twenty-four or more hours without sleep multiple times a week. I do this for my husband and I do this for my child. Every mother makes sacrifices for their family, this just happens to be something I am doing for the time being for mine. It wont last forever and it certainly is worth it.

A lot of people remind young mothers who express grief over their current life challenges: "it goes by so fast, so treasure it while you can". They say this out of love and they say it from the heart. I have a feeling in my mind and soul that what they say is true: that someday most mothers look back with fondness and a longing. That we get to a point of sweet nostalgia. I think the struggles become forgotten or at least the pain of it fades. Perhaps it's a blessing to see past difficulties through rose colored glasses. So that we can better focus on the blessings of mothering our children.

This truth, however, does not and should not negate the current struggles of motherhood, because motherhood is difficult, challenging, and trying. It's not meant to be easy and it shouldn't be! These struggles allow us to dig deeper. It stretches us as individuals. That stretching allows for change and hopefully growth (if we let it).

It's easy to lose track while you're elbow deep in poo, rushing here and there, and washing load after load of dirty laundry. It's good to be reminded of the more important, eternal view. So we can readjust our focus while we are about the day to day mothering. This is why at some point, when I have passed this phase in my life, I have a feeling I will say to a young mother: "it goes by so fast, so treasure it while you can." Not as a patronizing "you should appreciate this time more!", but as a "you can do it, keep going, it's all worth it in the end."

Going to work, having to leave my son and being sleep deprived are all temporary. I hope I can stay centered and focused and keep a more eternal view.