Postpartum Anxiety

Hearing the rhythmic sounds of my newborn son's breathing was comforting to me in those first days, weeks, and months, like most mothers. Unfortunately for me, hearing those sounds went beyond a simple comfort and morphed into an almost obsessive compulsive behavior. I'm sure this is why he stayed sleeping in our bed for longer then he might have otherwise.

I couldn't sleep while he was in our bed, but I also couldn't sleep when he was in his own room. It was physically painful for me. The only time I could let myself go into a deep sleep was when my husband was home and awake with our son. I would lay awake in frustration on the rare occasion that he did nap because I was unable to sleep myself.

This caused me to be, as I'm sure you might imagine, a very tired and exhausted mamma. My body was revolting against me and all that I was putting it through. On top of an extremely fussy child who was in pain, often screaming, and rarely slept I was working two nights a week. As the months wore on I did my best to be strong, to be the best wife and mother I could be for my little family.

Trying to be strong doesn't help much when you have postpartum anxiety. It's not something that just goes away if you're "strong enough". I began to loose feeling and have tingling sensations in my fingers and toes, arms and legs, face, back etc. Soon whole sides of me would go numb randomly. It got so bad they assumed the worst. They checked me for a host of things including MS.

They couldn't find anything wrong with me and the doctor finally had a conversation with me about the possibility of postpartum anxiety. I think he was concerned that I would be offended, but I wasn't. I was relived. I finally had some answers and possibly some help.

With the loving support of my amazing husband and wonderful family and friends along with several months of being on medication I started to feel a weight lift. I was slowly losing some of my obsessive compulsive behaviors and the physical symptoms started to dissipate as well. I still don't feel like I'm 100%, but I can see a vast improvement.

The gentle sounds of his breath are still comforting, even over a year later. I catch myself fighting pangs of irrational worry. Thankfully those are fading and are morphing into a more normal motherly feeling of worry. From the start I didn't think I was extra anxious or more anxious then I ought to have been. I thought the feelings I was having were normal.

I think many people feel that it's normal, but these thoughts, feelings, emotions, and physical symptoms go beyond normal. They go beyond what any mom, whether new or a veteran, should have to go though. They go on trying to function, not receiving the help and encouragement they need. Postpartum Anxiety and Depression manifest themselves in many ways. It often varies widely from person to person.

Postpartum Anxiety and Depression are very real and are more common than many people think. They are nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. They are often treatable with counseling, medication or a combination of both. Even if you feel just a bit off or think things are much harder then they should be, talk to your doctor. That, along with open communication with your spouse, family members, and friends are essential to healing.

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Feel free to share your experiences here as well, anonymously or otherwise, via comments or email. If you would like your story to be shared as a guest post please let me know. Because experiences with postpartum Anxiety and Depression can be so varied, its good to here about it from many different angles.